2010 - Be in this moment. What if 2010 was you last year on Earth? Would you regret spending so much time thinking about your past? I know I would. Make the decision you are going to move on with your life. You are now taking action instead of simply reacting. You are in the process of taking back your power and being the master of your thoughts and your life.

Come unstuck with these techniques and discover yourself, happy and free.

I love the Holidays. People push work aside to make time for their family, friends and me! This past week I went to a dinner party with a group of friends; a few of whom I haven't seen in almost two years. Boy, was I eager to catch up!

As we were nearing dessert, my friend Debby mentioned that she had been unable to stop thinking about a past relationship. Who she hadn’t seen or spoken with in years. In fact, she confessed, she thinks about him almost daily. Not one of us were surprised. As we were ending desserts, many of my friends admitted to having a persistent emotional attachment to a former relationship. Seriously?! Most if my friends are happily married too.

If you too are stuck in an emotional tie that no longer serves you, lets start learning how to move on.

Here are 6 concepts to help you release your past.

Forgiveness
Forgiveness does not mean you erase the past, or forget what has happened. It doesn’t even mean the other person will change his/her behavior - you cannot control that. All it means is that you are letting go of the anger and pain, and moving on to a better place.

It’s not easy. But you can learn to do it.
Forgive the person. This could be one person or it could be many. Forgive them.

Write them a letter:
Dear [blank], ???I forgive you for [state whatever you feel has caused you the greatest emotional distress and anguish].
Love,
[your name]

Be as completely honest as you can. Write it all down. You are NOT going to send this letter. You are the only person who will ever read it. So purge all the negative and pent up unsaid feelings and – let loose. It’s important to write it all down. Saying it to yourself in your head does not make it “real” enough. Write it down. Again, no one will ever see what you have written, so do not be afraid to get personal.

Once you have finished, it is time to forgive one more person; yourself. You did the best you could. Forgive yourself for letting it happen. For doing to little. For doing to much. Or, forgive yourself for doing nothing at all. Whatever happened, forgive yourself. You cannot change the past. You can only learn from your mistakes and move on.
Forgiveness is so important as the first step because it signifies a mental shift from being a victim to being the master of your life and having complete control over your destiny. You make the decision to forgive the person. You make the decision you are going to move on with your life. You are now taking action instead of simply reacting. You are in the process of taking back your power and being the master of your thoughts and your life.

Write your letter
Get personal
This is a letter of forgiveness and not blame.
Blame is for victims and it makes you powerless. You are in control of your ability to forgive. “I forgive you”.
Forgive yourself
Shift from victim to master
Take back your power!

Think about impermanence
First of all, we need to realize that we don’t have a lot of time on this Earth. Death can come at any moment. It's a dark statement, but it is true. You could become allergic to your dinner, or get hit by a car. You could get cancer tomorrow. Imagine if a wise old meditation master came to you and said you only had two weeks left to life. Would you regret spending so much time thinking about the past? Would you consider that you wasted your time here on Earth? I know I would.
The next time you start worrying about the past I want you to remember impermanence. Say to yourself, “I don’t have time for this” and just drop it. Over time you will train your mind to ignore those thoughts and as the days and weeks go by the attachment to the past will fade away.

Your Brain Speaks Body Language
Your brain believes your body, sort of a reverse of the placebo affect. You begin to feel free of the past when you act free of the past!

Don’t talk about the old relationship

Don’t ritualize it, don’t note anniversaries, or send mental messages.

Your brain will notice and deepen those neural networks until they become routine.

Are You Romanticizing?
Scientists now recognize that nearly 20 percent of us suffer from “complicated grief.”
One of the hallmarks of complicated grief is a persistent sense of longing for the lost one and a tendency to conjure up memories of that person.

The persistence of a romanticized memory contains an addictive element but the element is not in the former relationship, it’s in you.
For the 20 percent of us that stuck-ness has a biological source, an actual difference in brain processing. It can help to know the connection you still feel may be more biological than spiritual in origin.

Step on your rose-colored glasses.
Chances are you are romanticizing weaknesses as strengths.

Was s/he self-employed because of his independence or his inability to accept authority? A realistic assessment is empowering. Keep a list of his/her unflattering truths and refer to it whenever you feel the need to think about “what could have been”. It is easier to let go of a human than a hero.

Get real about what was.
We are most magnetically attracted to people who embody the characteristics of our parents or early caretakers because we unwittingly seek in a partner someone who will re-injure our childhood wounds. Our adult selves can finally heal those wounds, but the more negative those characteristics are the more intense the attraction we feel.
We can get relief from our nostalgia for a passionate love by remembering the intensity of the memory does not hold some great truth about the relationship’s sacredness. Remember, what fueled the attraction may not have been love, but your soul’s desire to heal the past.

This is me, FREE!
Visualize yourself as free without requiring that you know how that will be accomplished. Just imagine you have already arrived at a place in the future where you are. Imagine yourself saying to a friend, “Oh my gosh, I haven’t thought about x in years!” Absorb how fantastic you’ll feel, how happy and energized, and say thank you for that.
Remember that visualization is not about vision. It’s about what you feel when you envision. Feel into your freedom and cement it with gratitude.